Challenging In The Right Way
How Will This Session Help Me??
In school projects, group activities, and future workplaces, people will not always agree. True communication is not about staying quiet when something is wrong; it is about knowing how to challenge ideas respectfully, ask smart questions, and suggest better solutions without causing arguments!
Questions to get Started
"Have you ever disagreed with a group plan at school but stayed silent, and why didn't you speak up?"
"What is the difference between arguing aggressively and challenging an idea constructively?"
"If someone suggests an idea that you know won't work, what open question could you ask to help them see the flaw politely?"
Focused Virtues
The Focused Virtue for this session is Wisdom.
Wisdom helps us know when and how to challenge assumptions, choosing diplomatic words and strategic questions to improve ideas for everyone.
Ask Yourself: "Can I grow in wisdom to challenge ideas respectfully and suggest better ways forward?"
Strength through awareness, influence through empathy.
Skills Development:
When you join a new project group or workplace, it is easy to assume that the way things are done is the only way. But it actually takes wisdom to look at group tasks, spot hidden assumptions, and ask the right questions to make things better.
To build this mindset, use flexible thinking. This means looking at problems from different angles and being open to changing your approach. We all make assumptions without realising it, like thinking a task must be done a certain way just because "that's how we've always done it." Wisdom helps you challenge those habits by asking: "What if we tried a different method?" or "Is there a smarter way to organize our time?"
To suggest better ways of doing things constructively, master strategic questioning. This means being curious rather than confrontational. Use open questions starting with what or how because they give people room to explain their thoughts. Instead of asking a closed question like, "Don't you think this project plan is bad?" try asking, "What do you see as the strengths and weaknesses of this setup?"
Save closed questions (which only need a "yes" or "no") for checking facts. For fixing problems and brainstorming, stick to strategic open questions to help your team find brilliant solutions together.
Case Studies and Questions
You are helping organize resources in the school library or art room. The supervisor tells you to put everything straight onto shelves, but you notice many items are damaged or misplaced. An older student says, "Just put them out quickly, we need to finish."
How can you use wisdom and flexible thinking to challenge this assumption? What strategic open question could you ask to help improve how items are sorted?
• Can I think of a time a study or project plan wasn't working and I had to challenge the approach?
• How can I raise a suggestion with a teacher or group leader in a positive way?
Guidance and Resources for Facilitators
Core Concepts & Background Information
Spotting Implicit Assumptions: Groups frequently settle for sub-optimal decisions due to "groupthink" or habit ("that's how it's always been done"). Wise communication involves pausing to evaluate whether an established process is genuinely effective or merely familiar.
Mastering Strategic Open Questions: Direct confrontation ("Your idea is wrong") triggers defensiveness and damages team relationships. Teach girls to reframe challenges into curious, constructive open questions starting with what or how (e.g., "What are the potential drawbacks of that route?" or "How might we adapt this plan to save time?").
Diplomacy & Maintaining Relationships: True strength lies in remaining firm on quality standards while remaining empathetic toward teammates. Focus challenges strictly on the task, process, or idea—never on the individual's character.
Guiding Reflection & Overcoming Barriers
Overcoming the Fear of Conflict & Social Exclusion: 13-year-olds often stay silent when they notice a flaw in a plan due to fear of being labeled "difficult" or disrupting friendships. Reframe polite, constructive challenge as an act of service that saves the team from failure.
Prompting Reflection:
"If you notice a mistake in a group project plan and say nothing, how does that affect the whole group later on?"
"How can asking a curious 'how' question help someone realize a mistake on their own without feeling embarrassed?"
Activity Idea (Question Flipping): Provide a list of confrontational statements (e.g., "This plan is way too expensive," or "That's a terrible way to organize the stall"). Have girls work in pairs to flip each statement into a wise, strategic open question (e.g., "How can we adjust our budget so we don't overspend?" or "What other ways could we arrange the stall to make it easier for people to visit?")